Hi everyone,
So sorry for no email last week, it was the hardest week of my mission and my mom said I couldn't write home until I emailed my mission president and I didn't do either 
. But anyways this week was much better and I will write my mission president after this.
. But anyways this week was much better and I will write my mission president after this. There's just been contention coming from me and I haven't been able to understand what I needed to learn, but after an amazing exchange with my zone leader I figure there's a lot I need to improve upon. Most people know that I'm an early riser. I wake up about 30 minutes to an hour early to workout a little longer and do some early studies. Starting my mission I would get super anxious and feel inadequate if I didn't get up early. I felt I was behind other missionaries so I needed to study more, and I felt I was behind where I needed to be for my physical training so I needed to workout more. But when I woke up earlier I'd get frustrated that my companion wouldn't, but if I slept till 7 (our mission president has us do a 7-11 schedule instead of 6:30-10:30) I would feel that I wasn't improving at the rate I desired and I would be a little depressed all day. I don't mean tired or unmotivated or any shake off feeling. Almost a dark feeling over me and that I just couldn't feel any light at all. Almost every hour even throughout the night I'd wake up and wonder what am I doing out here. I really just felt like I was failing over and over again.
Then this week started and I was waking up early and everything seemed OK. THEN I had an exchange with the one person in the mission so far who I felt understood who I was. Through him I felt the spirit speak to me. I let all of my feelings fall out and all my concerns. He listened and then showed me some people he knew in my similar situation, but the difference is they were putting their trust in the Lord and not themselves. This completely shifted me mindset.
This entire, almost 6 months, I hadn't been adding Jesus into the equation. At least not fully. I thought to myself, 30 minutes in the morning and an hour at night is not enough to help me grow into the Lord's best. A very logical conclusion. This elder has witnessed so many of his friends do exactly that but with Jesus in the equation, and he promised me better results.
Because of the spirit this elder brought, I learned an incredible lesson that I had been teaching other people but not using myself. Jesus makes the impossible, possible. So now I feel confident in doing all the the Lord asks of me and letting my own understanding fall away. I'm so grateful for a perfect and living God who performs miracles with imperfect disciples. Thank you guys for listening to my long story, I'll throw in a quick miracle line.
Diallo came to Saturday football!!! So awesome (by the way it's soccer) and Rodney has been coming to every event. We are also working on volunteering at a charity shop. Big big plans for Newbury. I love it here!
Love you guys,
Elder Hixon
No comments:
Post a Comment