It's Something You Have to Discover for Yourself. Look Inside - Your Heart!

 

Hi everyone,

So sorry for no email last week, it was the hardest week of my mission and my mom said I couldn't write home until I emailed my mission president and I didn't do either . But anyways this week was much better and I will write my mission president after this. 

There's just been contention coming from me and I haven't been able to understand what I needed to learn, but after an amazing exchange with my zone leader I figure there's a lot I need to improve upon. Most people know that I'm an early riser. I wake up about 30 minutes to an hour early to workout a little longer and do some early studies. Starting my mission I would get super anxious and feel inadequate if I didn't get up early. I felt I was behind other missionaries so I needed to study more, and I felt I was behind where I needed to be for my physical training so I needed to workout more. But when I woke up earlier I'd get frustrated that my companion wouldn't, but if I slept till 7 (our mission president has us do a 7-11 schedule instead of 6:30-10:30) I would feel that I wasn't improving at the rate I desired and I would be a little depressed all day. I don't mean tired or unmotivated or any shake off feeling. Almost a dark feeling over me and that I just couldn't feel any light at all. Almost every hour even throughout the night I'd wake up and wonder what am I doing out here. I really just felt like I was failing over and over again. 

Then this week started and I was waking up early and everything seemed OK. THEN I had an exchange with the one person in the mission so far who I felt understood who I was. Through him I felt the spirit speak to me. I let all of my feelings fall out and all my concerns. He listened and then showed me some people he knew in my similar situation, but the difference is they were putting their trust in the Lord and not themselves. This completely shifted me mindset.

This entire, almost 6 months, I hadn't been adding Jesus into the equation. At least not fully. I thought to myself, 30 minutes in the morning and an hour at night is not enough to help me grow into the Lord's best. A very logical conclusion. This elder has witnessed so many of his friends do exactly that but with Jesus in the equation, and he promised me better results. 

Because of the spirit this elder brought, I learned an incredible lesson that I had been teaching other people but not using myself. Jesus makes the impossible, possible. So now I feel confident in doing all the the Lord asks of me and letting my own understanding fall away. I'm so grateful for a perfect and living God who performs miracles with imperfect disciples. Thank you guys for listening to my long story, I'll throw in a quick miracle line.

Diallo came to Saturday football!!! So awesome (by the way it's soccer) and Rodney has been coming to every event. We are also working on volunteering at a charity shop. Big big plans for Newbury. I love it here!

Love you guys,

Elder Hixon

Proclaimers of Heroes, Heroes like Hercules!

Oh my goodness what a week. We had 2 exchanges and I'm not a fan of exchanges. Everyone is a mooch so I'm broke rn. Kidding I volunteered to pay but still I'm broke hahaha. I should've planned ahead. I wish this title could be about how I'm a hero, saved the area and everyone wants to get baptized. But that'd be a lie. Very far from the truth. In all honesty I feel I have been coming short of the mark. I feel like I am so focused on enduring this mission that I'm not as diligent as I should be. Especially with the whole mission focusing on diligence. But what can I do? I've asked myself this question since I arrived in Newbury. It's very easy to do what productive missionaries do. I actually shoot over the mark with physical effort. But spiritually and mentally I'm not here at all. I'm just ready to throw in the towel.

Or so I thought. After a call and a vent and a pep talk I remembered why I returned to my mission and what is going to keep me out here and fix my terrible attitude. It is the standards I believe I should follow. It can be misconstrued as pride because in a way it is. Rich Larsen and all my wonderful church leaders and brothers and dad taught me this. You need to take pride in who you are and what you do. If you can't stamp your name on your work, do better. The last 5 weeks I wouldn't really want to stamp my name on it. Physically yes but mentally no. It's all on the inside. I hope this conveys well. I have had a revelation about who I want to be. I do want to be a hero just like Hercules I mean I label every letter after the movie c'mon. But the attribute I want to emulate and one that I see in my Savior is that fighting spirit. No matter what has me down I want to say that my best is on the line. I hope that next week can be a report about the good, but because I will have these letters forever I would like to have this rough moment written out for me to reflect on. Love you all and thank you for indulging me. Let's dive into the week!

Monday- P-day. We went to the Library and worked out at home.

Tuesday- District council but it was NOT a snooze. Some elders (I will not say who, but it wasn't me!!!) started a fire so everyone was a little on edge and man it was a show. We then had exchanges and I went out with Elder Muthu to Reading. It really was a blessing. The new year started with so many laughs and it was the most fun I have had in England.

Wednesday- We catch a train home, teach a few lessons and then get a message that we are having exchanges with the AP's (now you're narrowing down who instigated the fire.) We've been pretty sick for the last week so we tried our best to be ready for the exchange.

Thursday- The AP's do exchanges interestingly. They take the zone leaders in their area and go on exchanges. Then they go to 2 companionships and all four of them work the area. So I went with the senior zone leader Elder Hansen. He's super nice and he trained Elder Altinisk, so it was a super insightful exchange and we got to laugh about some of the funny things Elder A does. I love Elder A.

Friday- Elder Hansen left and I was sad because he was fun and he was the first missionary I met in England. We then went on to work the area and contact the people we found on the street. And it snowed. Way too cold.

Saturday- We worked a little more and tried to get people to church.

Sunday- I gave the opening prayer and our friend Rodney came. I taught him about the commandments and the sacrament. I love him he's so sweet. 

Love you guys HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Elder Hixon

How am I supposed to prove myself a hero if nobody will give me a chance?

Another week!! We had Christmas and the members here are just so amazing. We spent Christmas at Bishops and one thing has stood out to me this week from seeing so many members. My heavenly Father has given me so many amazing experiences to be able to relate to other people. I found myself very easily having fun with all the kids because I relate to all of them. The youngest one just wanted to show me all the cool things his brother got haha. He's 4 and I've done exactly that. The next one is in love with Greek mythology, he's about 8. Then the daughter reminds me a bit of Lo when she is talking to the older brother who is 13 and obsessed with the airforce. I used to have those little green army guys as a kid and served on an airbase in North Dakota so we talked about that for awhile. It was so much fun! So the message that I've got is to go and experience things. God uses your experiences to grow his kingdom.

Monday- We relaxed. I got to call home! Love my family so much! We finished the day meeting with our friend Rodney. Keep him in your prayers!!

Tuesday- We met with our friend Les, he's interesting. He said he'd come to church and has always been pretty nice then I think he blocked us hahah. We then spent some time with the Kings, that's Joff, his wife, and daughter Freya. They are so awesome I love spending time with them. We watched a missionary movie and had a German Christmas dish. After that we went to  Roy and Darren's house for a while and Darren is going to start making a scale model merry go round, or whatever that thing is that the horses are on (mom help me out). Both families gave us Christmas presents. It was so nice!

Wednesday- First Christmas!! I was surprised how many presents I got but I learned that morning that having all the things you want doesn't replace opening them with family. We then went to Bishop Guy's and you already read about that. It was so awesome I got to play pass the parcel.

Thursday - Elder A was pretty sick so I spent the day checking on friends and calling people who have been contacted because they were not interested in the past.

Friday -  Similar problem but we went to the district council which was  haha. But the travel made elder A feel more sick so on Saturday we were home except for a few hours, I did get two people to say they wanted to come to church and they gave me their number!

Saturday- I accidentally added the cool part to Friday but that's ok, I also got 5 friends to confirm they would come to church!

Sunday- Only one friend came hahah. Before church I just stand outside trying to look over this group of trees on the drive in hoping my friends will come.

Thank you all for making Christmas as special as you could! I hope your families had an amazing time this week!

-Elder Hixon

-oh and I gave a talk on sunday, forgot to voice record