Building a Church to our God

This week was a week of miracles.

It was also one of the hardest weeks of my mission. 

Maybe I was just being a baby.  But I was frustrated for a million and one reasons at the start of this week. My mind warred with me, I simply was in pain.

In this pathetic display, I didn't do my best those days. Maybe, or definitely, I should've been out working harder, but I just couldn't find strength. I had an opportunity during this time to visit with President and he gave me some advice, love, and promises that filled me with the Spirit. By day three I woke up and was done with it, and that is that. The heartache was gone. Completely gone, and replaced with something I'll describe as a fire and a gratitude. 

How?

I read during those two days from Elder Holland that "a 'new' sacrifice, the spirit of which was always to have been the motivating force behind the earlier symbolic sacrifices, is that of 'a broken heart and a contrite spirit.' These are the ultimate symbols of Christ's death, a death that came as a result of the contrition he felt for the world's sins and the broken, sorrowing heart that ruptured as he hung upon the cross.

"Christ will not forget the children he has redeemed or the covenant he has made with them for salvation in Zion.  The painful reminders of that watch care and covenant are the marks of the Roman nails graven upon the palms of his hands, a sign to his disciples in the Old World, his Nephite congregation in the New World, and to us in latter-day Zion that he is the Savior of the world and was wounded in the house of his friends."

I like Elder Holland.

Pres. Rowe promised me that if I square my shoulders and bear the load that is placed on them, that I not only will be made strong and made useful to my Master, but that if I REMEMBER who it is that I am bearing them for, as Christ must have remembered who He bore his load for, all of us, that I will be made strong enough. And then, the Lord will take care of the rest. "This one's on the Lord," he said.  Now is the time for me to come unto our Savior, to feel His wounds and learn who He is, and then ask Him, our Friend, who He wants me to be. And then, no matter the price, become that person. With that humility, the divine grace and the Holy Ghost will fill us. Only then are we filled with that light and are we enabled to become who we were born to become.

I pleaded with the Savior that second night to help me to know what to pray for, because I simply was at a loss. It had been 2 long and miserable days. Days filled with sorrow that was very real.  I waited after asking that, and pondered everything I had learned through all of this, both the 2 days and this last half year.  Silence. Then, through hot tears and a closed throat, I remembered what President said, and I whispered "Help me to remember You." I felt a chill, a warm chill, and then I felt to start singing "There Is a Green Hill Far Away," "Amazing Grace," and "How Great Thou Art" mid prayer, one after another, offering my heart, broken as it was. And then I can't really describe what happened. I was filled. The walls of my heart that had been broken open allowed a glow to enter and fill them. I was so overwhelmed that I continued weeping, and I was able to remember my Savior and what He did for me, just for me, more and more.

"...Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me." 1 Nephi 21:15-16

Interesting that He, a Perfect Being, who obviously has no lapses in memory, and He who never forgets, chose these tokens, these agonizingly painful emblems, at least for the purpose to never allow Him to forget.

Is this why, in both our baptismal covenants and the renewal of them at the Sacrament table, we promise "to always remember Him"?  Is this why transgression has always, throughout all history, personal and nationwide, come due to the people of God being "slow to remember" Him and forgetting Him altogether? Why do we forget to pray every day, and think of Him always? Is it that hard? Or is it, as the children of Israel in the wilderness experienced with the brazen serpent, "too simple"?

I continued to plead to remember Him and thought more upon what I read from Elder Holland,

"Following his appearance (to the Nephites in 3 Nephi 11) and declaration of obedience, Christ dramatically reinforced the price he had paid to suffer the will of the Father in all things. As evidence of his loyalty and as a reward to the congregation for theirs, Christ spoke to those gathered at the temple, saying, 'Arise and come forth unto me, that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the God of Israel, and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world.' At that invitation, the entire multitude went forth 'one by one' thrusting their hands into his side and feeling the prints of the nails in his hands and feet. Even though the power of the Resurrection could have--and undoubtedly one day will have--completely restored and made new the wounds from the crucifixion, nevertheless, Christ chose to retain those wounds for a purpose, including for his appearance in the last days when he will show those marks and reveal that he was wounded 'in the house of (his) friends.' The wounds in his hands, feet, and side are signs that in mortality painful things happen even to the pure and the perfect, signs that tribulation is NOT evidence that God does not love us. It is a significant and hopeful fact that it is the WOUNDED Christ who comes to our rescue. He who bears the scars of sacrifice, the lesions of love, the emblems of humility and forgiveness is the Captain of our Soul. That evidence of pain in mortality is undoubtedly to give courage to others who are also hurt or wounded by life, perhaps even in the house of their friends." -Holland

He drank that cup, no matter how bitter.

Soon, my problem, my burden, fell away. It's still there, in a sense, but I have stronger shoulders now, and it's almost as if the work I have at hand is so consuming that I cannot feel the burdens on my back. And the sorrow has been filled with so much joy, and a desire to go and help others.

So I go now, to seek Him who comes with "healing in His wings." No matter the painful price.

And with that happy ending, I share the events that followed.  

We met with Djani, Dusan Vasica's friend, and taught him about the Restoration of the Gospel. We have been teaching his dad, and throughout this textbook awesome lesson (where were The District camera guys?!) he would say of some points, "my dad told me about that this week."

That made me so happy. Both he and his dad are on date to be baptized. How humbling that this our friend Djani was prepared, not only by the example of his friend Dusan, but by his father, who was still just learning about the Gospel, but who had been touched by it so much that he felt it something to teach his son.

Toma is very excited to be baptized this Saturday! It's going to be flippin sweet! And after that, it's only a matter of time before he and Vesna can go to the temple to be sealed!!! And then we are also still teaching Mina and Ivan, both 19, and working on building their testimonies. Ivan is tentatively on date, but it's not something he's 100% for because, while the gospel makes sense to him in his head, it hasn't touched his heart yet (my observation.) He's a genius, and says "I agree with your church 97%, just not with the forms and rituals." So...we're working on that. I have an idea to have Elder Skirkovic do the pushups and donuts story for one of our activities, and see if that, and teaching solely about Jesus Christ with Ivan, won't open his heart.

We're also performing "There Is A Green Hill Far Away" next week in church at Toma's confirmation, and I've been putting some gnarly piano together, you'd be proud Chip. It's going to be awesome, I feel the Spirit every time we all practice.

In closing this long long email, I wanted to share that President found an old video of a fireside held here in what was then the Zagreb of Yugoslavija, held by Elder Russel M. Nelson. The same who called President Rowe to this mission. In the crowd were 20 members or so for all of Yugoslavija, and, President said, "Nana, there were 3 Africans among the members." When he said that from the pulpit on Sunday I was just filled. This place has already grown so much, and our record high of 54 total at sacrament meeting this week (now that includes us 6 missionaries, the senior couple, and the 5 Rowes...but still was a record) is truly inspiring. 

We are building a church to our God here, and it is a blessing to be a part of. This will be a great land of members, with stake centers and a temple even, I know that.

Love you all!

Elder Hixon